How two whisky bottles became a family legend
Published: Sat, 04/04/20
My grandfather, Thomas Bainbridge Willis was born in 1893. He died on Boxing day when I was sixteen aged 82, which was considered quite a good age in the 1970s. Apparently he had enjoyed a good Christmas with my uncle and his family then had a heart attack and passed away quite suddenly. My grandfather’s house had been sold just before Christmas and he was meant to move into a flat early in the New Year. His children (my mother and my Uncle Geoffrey) and their spouses found themselves clearing the house in record time so that the new owners could take possession on the agreed date. I have heard that this was not an easy task as my Grandfather had become a bit of a hoarder since my grandmother died about seven years previously. The detail which became family legend was that two bottles of whiskey were found in a kitchen cupboard, one of them half drunk. It was a matter of some comment and provided the house clearers with some
innocent amusement (and some welcome refreshment that evening).
So what? Old man drinks whiskey is hardly front page news. Except that my maternal grandfather was notoriously teetotal having been steeped in the attitudes of the late Victorian temperance movement. My paternal grandfather was a liquor salesman for a company which imported wines and spirits and supplied many of London’s leading hotels and restaurants. My father made his career in a very different industry but he always appreciated a good beer, a fine wine or a quality spirit. When my parents got married in Darwen in 1955 my mother’s parents took charge of the event, as is traditional, and insisted that the hotel which hosted the event close the bar and serve only soft drinks with the meal. Members of my father’s family would sometimes comment on that outrage and I heard the story many times growing up.
You may be thinking that my grandfather was nothing but a hypocrite and the evidence of his hypocrisy was found right there in the kitchen cupboard. There is in fact an innocent explanation. Apparently my grandfather had visited his doctor complaining of insomnia. Perhaps not surprising as he never really came to terms with losing my grandmother although he presented a brave and stoical face to the world. The doctor had simply told him that a drink of whiskey each night before bed would do the trick. And so, for the last years of his life the dutiful patient drank the spirit mixed with warm milk, and probably slept better too.
As my mother explained it, her father believed that alcohol should be avoided at all costs and he had fearlessly expressed that belief all his life. Yet his respect for the judgment and professional advice of his doctor overrode his teetotalism.
My Grandfather was a complex man. He was a butcher’s son and left school at 14. He had a lifelong disability which excused him service in the Great war but he was still sworn in as a special constable (I still have his truncheon). He worked in the education department and in 1939 was appointed chief education officer for Darwen in Lancashire. After the second war my Grandfather was responsible for implementing the 1944 education act and a technical school was created which my grandfather was very proud of. He supported my uncle in qualifying as a medical doctor and was equally encouraging of my mother’s education and was very proud that she graduated with a science degree. He was a devout Methodist all his life and a fine organist who played in church nearly every Sunday. At one point in his life he was the master of a Masonic lodge. He had an obsession with windmills, photographed them and gave illustrated talks on the subject.
I also have pictures of him astride his Scott motorcycle in the 1920s.
My mother was always very close to her parents and I saw a lot of my grand parents before they died. Thinking about him now I realise that I still find it hard to unravel his legacy of influence on me. Two things might be valuable. Firstly, he showed that it is possible to be a person with strong principles and yet be flexible when there is a good enough reason. I also realised that allowing that flexibility doesn’t necessarily diminish you in the eyes of those who love you. I like to think that the whiskey episode showed the human being behind the patriarchal facade T B Willis frequently showed to the world.
Secondly, through my childhood I watched the two adult men who were most important to me (my father and my maternal grandfather) negotiate quite a difficult relationship which their very different attitudes to alcohol highlighted. Yet, I also saw them treat each other with courtesy and get along well enough even though they were never going to be great friends. It may actually say more about my father than my grandfather, but either way, it was a useful example in patience and forbearance for the sake of family harmony.
Regards
Graham
PS If you have found yourself with time on your hands why not reflect on the influences which have shaped your values, beliefs and attitudes? When we are young we absorb influences uncritically. All those influences will have made you who you are, some to your benefit, some, not so much. Remember, reflect and analyse your story and bring it into consciousness. Write it down if you can and you will realise how rich your personal story is and you can start deciding which values to build on and which to perhaps let go of. Think of it as mental and emotional housekeeping as you sort out the attic of your mind and memory.
PPS I was supposed to be in Somerset today teaching a seminar with the group I taught when I lived in Crewkerne. We like to get together at least twice a year for training and I am disappointed that we won’t be seeing each other today. I still hope to go ahead with the midsummer Rune Retreat but I have no idea if it will be possible or not. I will keep you posted.