What my father considered valuable
Published: Thu, 04/02/20
Becoming a dad myself has made me think quite a lot about my own father. Robert John Butcher died following a stroke in June 2001, a couple of weeks before he would have been 78 years old. I find myself reflecting on his influence in my life. Robert grew up in North London with an older brother and sister and a younger brother. He was conscripted into the army in 1943 and trained as an engineer but the war ended before he saw active service. After demob my father took a degree as a process engineer and worked in petrochemicals for most of his working life, for a few years in the 1960s he also worked for the Heinz food company. He met my mother at a tennis club in the early 1950s and they married in 1955. They then lived in North London where they raised three children of which I am the eldest.
My mother was raised in a Lancashire family with a long tradition of devout Methodism. Apparently my father’s family were nominally Anglican, I think my father put it that’ ‘they knew which church they weren’t attending.’ The story goes that when my parents married my mother asked if she should become an Anglican, since my father had been baptised as one? Or would he join the Methodist Church? Apparently my father said that since my mother was the one with the regular church attendance he would support her in continuing her Methodist allegiance. And so the three of us were brought up in the Methodist church. My father was a very regular attender, served in various roles including as stint as chief Steward (a position of some responsibility in the Methodist church) and assisting my mother in running a house group for many years.
My parents also maintained close friendships with people who were not in the least bit interested in the church and continued to be involved in other groups and organisations. Growing up we were encouraged to have a wide range of friends and activities. The church could be important to us but it did not have to be in any way exclusive. Out of my father’s three children my brother is not hostile to religion but not really interested either. My sister has become quite an evangelical conservative Christian and belongs to an independent church which caters to her preferences. I have remained involved in the Methodist church and I preach regularly, I have also explored an eclectic spiritual path which involves the Northern tradition through Stav and some association with various other pagan groups and movements. Martial arts have always been as much a spiritual as a physical discipline for me too.
I have had conversations with my sister as to whether or not my father really believed in Christianity or not. My sister is concerned that he didn’t really believe seriously enough and sometimes that worries her. When I talked to my father about religion his attitude was that it was a good thing to be part of a spiritual community and he enjoyed his involvement with the church. To him there was something of great value in the experience and relationship that a church could create. When my father died the church was full, both with the congregation who had known him well and a wide range of friends and associates, many of whom had little or no regular contact with religion of any kind. There was a great sense that my father had found great value in being part of the church community and had contributed a great deal of value in return, simply by being who he was and being involved.
My father never told me what to believe. Like my sister I am not quite sure what he did believe. I am okay with that, what I did get from my father was the example that there is value in involvement, commitment and contribution. If you can see that value in something and you have value of your own to contribute then just do it, and my father did just that all his life.
It is a shame that Iduna will never know her grandfather, or grandmother, on my side. But their influence can live on as it has affected me and maybe that is the best I can do.
regards
Graham
PS I have just spent a few days at Venetia’s family home in rural Norfolk. We are still hoping to host the Rune Retreat there at Midsummer. I would like to say for certain that we will go ahead but I am just not sure what the situation will be in 3 months time. Here is the page anyway and I will keep you posted on developments http://rr.stavcamp.org/