I know I should just say no

Published: Thu, 11/28/19

A week or so ago I distributed about 35 promotional diaries and I hope those who received one are pleased with it. I have kept one for myself so I know that they are a useful pocket size. I was happy enough to give away the dairies but I was less happy about receiving, and being asked to pay for, a batch of key rings which I have no recollection of agreeing to order at all. What seems to happen is that I get a very friendly call from the company which supplies my promotional items and somehow I seem to end up agreeing to order items for months into the future just to get off the phone. Of course the call is recorded and if I plead ignorance of having ever ordered the items the recording can be supplied.

I know, it all sounds a bit pathetic and I do say no to a lot of suggestions I get. I am also reluctant to answer the phone to any number I don’t recognise or is not in my phone address book. This can be tricky of course since people also ring me up inquiring about my availability for handyman work or to ask about places on my Stav courses and seminars. However, if someone really wants my attention they can leave a message, text, email, use Facebook or even write to me the old fashioned way.

I don’t really want to break contact with the promotional goods company completely as they do supply some good stuff, the diaries and some excellent tee shirts for example. They also send me free pens and other items as samples about once a month and so we are never short of a nice pen in this house.

So, don’t judge me too harshly, we all know how difficult it is to say no when under pressure. Apparently there is no worse situation than when a woman is giving birth. Our baby is due next month and, as the father, I am expected to be present and advocating for Venetia, my wife and mother of our child. So, based on my ability to manage sales calls, how much use am I likely to be standing up for Venetia when a doctor suggests a treatment or procedure of dubious benefit?

We have been attending antenatal training, both the local authority free sessions and a series of classes in Hypnobirthing. I am much better prepared than I would be if I had not been to the classes. We have also discussed Venetia’s birth plan in detail. Other advantages we have are that Venetia’s sister is an experienced midwife and her father a retired GP. So, we have their advice and guidance to fall back on too.

Last week Christine (who teaches the Hypnobirthing sessions) gave each of the men present a card to keep on our persons. It simply says:

If you need to make a decision during your pregnancy or birth, remember to ask yourself the following questions:

B - What are the benefits?

R - What are the risks?

A - Are there any alternatives?

I - What does my intuition say?

N - What if we do nothing?

Nice simple mnemonic too which even I am managing to remember. The idea being that if we are pushed to make a decision we are not comfortable with we have a response right at hand. We have an important appointment with the consultant later today so we will probably get a chance to practice with it.

I am sharing this mnemonic because we all have occasions when we get pressured into something and wish afterwards we had just said no, or at least asked a lot more questions. We would all like to have strategies for maintaining our autonomy and limiting the influence others have over us. But for a strategy to work we need to use the right tactics. BRAIN might just be the list of tactical options you need.

Talking of strategy and tactics I gave a short presentation on Strategy, Tactics and Method at the Salisbury course on the 16th of November. We recorded the talk and you can watch it here https://www.screencast.com/t/C4e2ty4QcX5

Regards

Graham

PS The last seminar of 2019 will be in Beverley on the 7th of December. I will be exploring practical ways of working with Strategy, Tactics and Method in practical martial arts training. Full details here https://iceandfire.org.uk/train.html